Love-Drought

By: Ruby Ajiloré




We appear to be so many different types of beings, but in essence it’s not so. If we were to look at the foreheads of every person, including our own, and visualize a star shining from its centre, we’d come to see the essence of all living beings. This essential form indicates our innate kinship with one another. This could come as an unsavoury prospect given the atrocities taking place globally, and initiated by our global family at this time.


Though what lies beneath the motives behind such bad behaviour is a unifying desire for peace.


We all seek the feelings of contentment, safety and security deep down inside. It’s just the scars that we refuse to part with, which hold us back from experiencing that safety.


In my own experience, I would feel ashamed as a response to my biting conscience. Shame comes when I haven’t acted in my dignity, integrity and self-respect, or when the past memories of such unresolved feelings come back to haunt me. It’s not always that I’ve done something wrong. Sometimes I’ve made the right decision, it’s just that I’ve allowed old feelings of unworthiness to influence how I performed the chosen action.


When I’m not able to embody the virtues that go with a job well done, I feel like a fraud. I feel vulnerable, I may even feel useless. Yet, I feel that I am supposed to be perfect. That I’m even meant to be my perfect, self-realized self.


It’s a confusing prospect. But what this strong feeling tells me is that I am at least capable of living a greater life than what I’ve settled for. Not in terms of accomplishments, and material possessions, in terms of how I go about achieving goals. Somewhere along the line, in this life or the last, I let myself down. Maybe I lied and cheated, maybe the loss was inevitable — either way, I lost the capacity to forgive myself.


I keep trying to prove to myself that I am worthy of my accolades. Others may know that I am, but external validation does nothing to heal the wounded child within.


I used to succeed at all the tasks I sought to complete, and all the challenges I sought to conquer, until the low self-esteem and doubt I carried could no longer be contained. An illusion shattered quite dramatically and I found myself to be a much more emotional person than I had previously recognized.


Love and forgiveness walk hand-in-hand. So why not walk with them?


You have to look into the mirror of your heart and see what damage your beautiful feelings have taken, as a result of cold judgment against the self.


An injection of power is needed.

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